fell asleep on the sofa while watching After The Sunset dvd, woke up and wanted to go up to my room to sleep. while switching the channels from video mode to tv mode, Hallmark played on the screen. looked familiar, seemed like the show of the advertisement i saw on tv last time, about a sister having to take care of her mentally retarded sister as the Dad (who was taking care of Beth all these while) had just passed away. and in the meanwhile she gets to know more about her and her life. Riding the Bus with my Sister.

Beth(the retarded sister) did have a life, as thought nought by Rachel. she had friends; the busdrivers. she made the effort to find out about everyone and everything that happened and she cared and loved for her friends. from her innocent heart, she cared and loved for Jesse, a guy who had low self esteem. she encouraged him, allowing him to break free from the shell he was living in. and these people, loved her too. Beth was one whose heart was full of the capacity of love.

and i thought, Beth had the initiative to get to know her friends more and live the life she wants to, to the best of her ability. yet, i'm so far from her. i dont even try to catch up with others, find out how's other's lives been. and these people have been close to me before, and i let the friendship drift away cus of my nonchalance. it happens once too many times. like yesterday, Limin messaged me and asked me for a date. and today, Amelia talked to me on msn. sometimes i see people on msn, yet i dont talk to them. just glance past their online status and move on. i guess this is how friendship deterioriates, when both parties just neglect to maintain it. so its a cycle of meeting new friends, getting close to them, and drift away due to circumstances. hah, i'm just a lousy friend. right.

Beth knew people, maintained their friendship with them through finding out about their lives. she tried to make little cards for them to show how much she treasures them. in turn, the busdrivers loved her, planned a birthday party for her, and she felt loved. she had Jesse, her boyfriend. so i guess, love is a kind of Karma. what goes around, comes around. when one doesnt exhibit love towards others, one shouldnt expect to receive love.

teared at the part where Beth knew she could never give birth to babies cus her family had her gone through ligation. yes, her family did what they thought was the best for her, but ignored how she really felt. they failed to understand that maybe, perhaps, oneday, she wanted babies and could never ever have her own. yeah, it's somehow like wanting something, yet knowing it's impossible. isnt it.. sad.

okay, the story is much more touching than that. it's just that my language sucks, so yeah. it would be nice if i had the flair of writing and could beautifully express how i really felt at that point of time.

one word to describe the story; touching.

the weather's really cool tonight and the air smells fresh. ironic juxtaposition to my state of mind in preparation of what tomorrow brings.

GOODNIGHT.